Do With You
by travellerslover
Summary: Kakashi surprised a lot of people after the war. The biggest surprise of all being the day he disappeared. No one expected one of the most devoted and powerful shinobi to go rogue. He had everything, why would he throw it away?
1. Prologue

**AN I know I know. But I think that if I get all of the ideas out of my head, then maybe I can have more room for inspiration on what I'm already working on. This story has been brewing for awhile and I won't update too often unless it gains more attention haha. This is one of the three other plots that have been crowding up my thought space. I hope you like this! Sorry for the mistakes. I had to get this written and out before I exploded It's a short introduction! R&R xoxo!**

_Do With You - Ryan Lerman_

**I.**

Sakura couldn't pinpoint the exact moment she fell in love with Hatake Kakashi. Despite her childish devotion to Sasuke, Sakura didn't believe love worked that way anymore. No, she couldn't pinpoint it, but she did recall a moment when something of that nature stirred inside her.

It was before the war, when she took it foolishly upon herself to kill Sasuke. Kakashi and Naruto had saved her, yet again, but this time she didn't feel the crippling fear of her inadequacies every other time they had to save her. Admonishment, a look that could only be seen upon close inspection, usually marred the visible portion of Kakashi's face during those instances. However, when he'd reached her, she saw nothing but relief, determination, and just a tad glimmer of sadness that peeked out from beneath his mask.

That wasn't the moment, though. It happened a few days later, just after arriving back to the makeshift village, the three of them still recuperating emotionally, and Kakashi in the hospital for the day. Sakura was going to check up on her former sensei as Naruto was just leaving and brushed passed her with a toothy grin that smelled of ramen, but turned quickly when he saw her bemused expression.

"I almost got to see his face!" He whispered, pulling her aside. "He's not wearing a mask!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and punched his arm playfully. "You're an idiot." She pulled away and walked inside, closing the door's on Naruto's whining.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! Sorry you had to come in- oof!" Her body was slammed back into the wall, Kakashi standing over her, hands planted above her head and eyes as cold and clear as midnight. Sakura clenched her jaw and fought to keep her gaze near his hairline, not daring to peek at his nose or lips, not without his permission and not when he seemed about to kill her.

"Sakura." He said sternly, eye slanting into a glare. "You _will never _attempt something to foolish and selfish again as to go into enemy territory alone." The bridge of his nose was scrunched up and Sakura desperately wanted to see what his lips looked like when they formed his angry remarks. "You drugged and lied to comrades. Impressive, but could be considered treason."

"Yes, Kakashi- sensei. I understand." She managed.

"No, Sakura. I don't believe you do. We may be the most dysfunctional team, but we are a team. You _will_ behave accordingly."

Whatever shame or guilt Sakura had been feeling disappeared in an instant. He must have seen the fire the sparked her viridian gaze to life because he tensed immediately and opened his sharingan in challenge, but Sakura couldn't let her feelings go left unsaid.

"We're a team? We? As in you and I? You're definitely not my teacher, I'll give you that. Team captain? Sure, Kakashi-_taichou_." She laughed, a quiet sad sound that surprised even herself. "But you're not always a team player. You'd rather take all of the burden than work together with us to find a new solution. Like at Mount Shumisen." Her voice broke finally, and a few tears escaped the corners of her eyes.

He sighed and took a step back, giving her enough time to compose herself before speaking. "I'll try harder."

Her head snapped up in surprise before quickly averting her eyes to the floor, carefully avoiding his face. "Do you promise?"

"I promise I'll try." There was a smile in his words, although she couldn't see it. She wanted to hug him, and thank him for all the things that went unspoken. Instead, she turned around and made her way back out the door.

"Go back to bed. You're not being released until tonight." Sakura called over her shoulder as she disappeared down the hallway. She had never breathed a word of the confrontation, too worried that if she told anyone, they would immediately be able to hear her heart rate accelerate, if not that then wonder why she blushed every time she thought of it.

Nothing changed after that, at least not for awhile. Then, after the war, in a dark corner of a crowded pub, Sakura spent the first few seconds of a new year pressed against a wall, being quietly kissed by Kakashi. It was blissful and surprising, lasting just long enough that it was all she could think about for days to come.

Then, there was the day she finally saw his face. They'd had a huge argument about the relationship that Kakashi swore was never going to happen, despite that he had sought her out as often as three times week for nearly six months.

She woke the next morning after the argument and took a shower, a please smiled on her facing knowing that she'd ultimately won the battle. The water began to run in the bathroom sink and Sakura pushed aside the curtain to see Kakashi brushing his teeth, his mask pooled at the base of his neck. He spit into the sink and gargled a glass of warm water before he turned and gave her a sly grin, the toothpaste sticking stubbornly to the corner of his mouth had made him more attractive.

That was last time Kakashi snagged one of her spare toothbrushes, because he had his own to leave there.

The months following had been blissful. Kakashi all but moved in, still keeping his apartment on the side. Everyone noticed the immediate shift between the two shinobi, although their opinions and questions had all been directed to one another, because Sakura and Kakashi pretended to have absolutely no idea what anyone was talking about. They fervently denied any romantic involvements, even going so far as to holding hands at the store as they shopped for groceries (a rare and cherished event considering neither had the drive to cook) that they clearly intended to share, and looking a friend dead in the eye saying that nothing was going on.

They were happy. So, one morning when Sakura awoke with Kakashi nowhere to be seen, she was worried. But, she vainly hoped that he was just spending some time training or reading, or maybe he had an urgent mission.

Sakura waited three days before she finally reported him missing. Chaos ensued. Kakashi was a genin instructor, how could he just up and leave? The three genin, Susoyo, Yashiko, and Shun had been so confused, so betrayed as they asked every single person they saw when was the last time they had seen or heard from Kakashi-sensei.

It was another three days before ANBU let her into his apartment. It had been picked clean of weapons, files, scrolls, and journals. The only things remaining were his clothes furniture, and four picture frames. Sakura smiled fondly at three of them, though empty as they were, she could still see the three genin teams. That's how she knew he was gone. Why else would he have taken his photographs?

The last frame, unlike the others, was not empty, which caused Sakura to feel simultaneously relieved and hurt. She opened the wooden casing and pulled out the photograph.

It was of them, taken by Sai for "research" purposes and later gifted to Kakashi for his thirty-fourth birthday. Kakashi was telling her an absolutely filthy joke, his eyes alight with mischief. Sakura's eyes were wide with surprise, a blush painting her cheeks and ears. Her hand was half-way to her mouth, but it was clear she had started laughing before she could even pretend to be demure. They were in traditional garb, and looked very natural when no one was looking. Sakura had cried when she first saw the picture because it was so perfect.

Turning it over in her hands, she saw something unexpected. Handwriting. The ink had been smudged, but she could still make out the pointed script as Kakashi's.

_I'm sorry._

He'd written it before he left. He'd known he was going to leave before he did it. It wasn't a mistake, he wasn't in trouble or being held for ransom. He simply left.

But why?


	2. A Fresh Perspective

**AN Thanks SO MUCH To Reader 777, Joele, and Prescripto13 for the reviews. I know at least two of you are long time readers and reviewers and it means so much that you guys are still checking out all my new stuff even though it's all over the place and at risk of becoming contrived, so thanks again! Also, I don't know nearly as much about Japanese traditions involving ghosts as I do Chinese ones, so I'll be leaning heavily on the Chinese traditions for some stuff. **

**Please R&R xoxo**

**II.**

It had been four years since Haruno Sakura took it upon herself to find the infamous rogue-nin Hatake Kakashi, and to say her decision had garnered her a bit of an obsessive reputation would be a vast understatement.

Sakura, although strong, was well-trained neither in tracking nor stealth. So there was that huge obstacle to overcome. She'd trained for weeks, and when she wasn't training, she spent every waking moment picking through news articles from every nation, and sifting through what few mission scrolls and reports of Kakashi's that she had clearance to, trying to map out his work and detect a pattern.

If that wasn't already work enough, for whatever reason, Tsunade-shishou had not been keen on the idea of even going after Kakashi. Sure, she dispatched various teams, always including the original Team Kakashi pupils and Sai, but anyone could see that Tsunade's heart wasn't in it. Then, once Naruto had become the Rokudaime, his interest in finding the Copy-nin had shown a pretty sharp decline. Without Naruto's passion, the number of willing participants dwindled down until it was just Sakura herself.

There was always something lurking just beneath the surface that she wasn't quite seeing. Some aspect of her lover's disappearance that they weren't telling her. Although, she couldn't really blame them. Sakura had always been the most sensible, but when it came to Kakashi, she had to use unreal levels of self-restraint to not be impulsive and rash.

Four years.

She'd been searching for him for four years. The village couldn't even afford to send out search teams anymore, since they were domestic cases and didn't turn a profit. Hatake Kakashi may have been valuable, but Konohagakure had grown past the need for him any longer.

The only way Sakura still retrieved mission pay was simply because her knack for perfectionism, one might call it an obsessive compulsion, had become her trademark. Nowadays, if one wanted to join the ranks of the ANBU or Hunter unit, it was required to do a month of training under Haruno Sakura's tutelage. She wasn't the most skilled ninja in ANBU, and although she was strong, there would always be someone stronger, but she demanded nothing less that what Sasuke had once referred to "The Uchiha Standard of Absolute Perfection."

So every other month, Sakura would assigned missions as captain with new recruits. They always gave her younger ones, and she didn't mind. Her mission had always been to find Kakashi, so they were required to join her in the search anytime a trace of him had been found.

She was leading a group of rookies who were so green had yet to earn an alias, or even a code name of an animal. Their mask's, which were painted black like the rest of their armor for the mission, were clean and new, bearing no marks of individuality. However, this group was particularly special and Sakura had grown rather fond of them over the past month. Their names were Hana, Usagi, and Rindō. They were sisters from the a recently immigrated clan from Lightning Country. They were beautiful, scary strong, and worked best as a team.

They all split up, the three sisters' was to retrieve a rather large assortment of stolen scrolls from a well-known smuggler kingpin know only as Kawa. Sakura had her own plans.

Now, as she slinked silently through the shadows of a huge mansion, Sakura found herself questioning, not for the first time, what the hell was even the point. This was the first time in nearly six months that she'd heard anything about Hatake Kakashi, or the man who might possibly be Hatake Kakashi, and she couldn't help but wonder if she even really cared about finding him anymore. This was going to be a dead-end. It was always a dead-end. Even if the trail went on for weeks with sure leads, she always found herself hitting a wall.

After many twists and turns through the labyrinth-like mansion, Sakura finally found herself standing out of Kawa's study. Orange light from a candle flickered out beneath the door, licking her toes.

Sakura took one last look around and shook her head in disappointment. The walls in Kawa's home were covered in beautiful, priceless works of art, or pieces well known and respected. But, he had been selling information and smuggling black-market weapons and stolen scrolls for too long. It broke her heart to know that, in a short few minutes, the entire compound would be burn to the ground. Many pieces of art, as well as anyone who hadn't had the good sense to leave, would be reduced to dust by a large-scale explosion that, like Sasuke's Amaterasu, would burn until nothing remained.

Sakura breathed in deeply and slowly exhaled all of the negative thoughts plaguing her mind until she was nothing but a cold, still lake. Then, steeling herself, she silently pushed open the door to see a man standing with his back to her. The moonlight poured in from the large windows and silhouetted him against the bright night sky.

"For someone as important as you, your security is rather relaxed." Sakura said, the black, porcelain mask that covered her face muffling her voice slightly. The man turned and opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, Sakura was on him in an instant. Kawa was so shinobi, he was just clever. His cleverness would not save him from Sakura boiling his brain, should he be unwilling to talk, slowly and agonizingly until he begged for death.

Much to her surprise, Kawa didn't fight back. He almost slumped into Sakura's grasp as she quickly tied him to a chair, then he simply waited patiently as she checked the hall and sealed the doors. The only one who could enter or exit the room was herself.

It was when she made her way back over to him and settled in front of him that Sakura realized he was intoxicated. Her gaze flickered to the half empty bottle of expensive rice liquor before resting on Kawa's eyes, which were a brilliant shade of slate-blue, but the whites were dull and jaundiced. He was a heavy drinker.

She had an objective, but curiosity was a dish best served hot and indulged in often. "Why have you been drinking?"

The man sighed, his large shoulders falling they were almost touching her knees. Sakura didn't know whether to feel relieved or very sad for the man. "My wife left me. And she took the kids." He burped and took another breath before continuing. "It doesn't matter. They want to go with her anyway."

_Thank kami-sama. _Sakura thought with a sigh of relief. His family wasn't here, they wouldn't have to die tonight. Quickly she composed herself once more and and squared her stance. "Then let's get straight to the point. I'm searching for Konoha rogue-nin Hatake Kakashi. I received intel that you hired him to escort a team across the border of Wind and River country. The team was carrying scrolls stolen from Sunakagure. Is this true?"

The defiance Sakura had initially expected sparked in his eyes and his lips pursed. "I neither confirm nor deny that."

"Then you are also aware that hiring a ninja, even a rogue, under false pretenses is punishable by law?"

Kawa scoffed. "Oh he knew damn well what he was transporting." Sakura smirked, _Bingo_, and pressed a sharp kunai against the thin skin of his neck that protected his artery. "Alright, look. I don't know if it was Hatake Kakashi, but he charged enough to be someone famous. And the work was good enough to keep him in mind."

"How do I contact him?" She demanded, a current of electricity stirring impatiently behind her calm tone.

"You don't. If you need him, he just finds you. Last I heard, he went by Ishimaru. I don't know anything else." Kawa's eyes pleaded with her to believe him and she knew he was too stone-drunk and heart-broken to try and outwit her. Slicing the blade across his neck, Sakura tuned out the sound of Kawa gargling and choking on his own blood. She took a step back and wiped her kunai clean.

_Ishimaru. _The last time Kakashi had been spotted was Ishigakure six months ago. Her jaws and fists clenched painfully as she tried to restrain the anger threatening to boil up and consume her. He was using aliases that mirrored the places he was last seen. When Sakura had caught wind of him in Ishigakure, his name had apparently been Kirisawa, and when she had found traces of him in Kirigakure, his name had been something else.

He knew he was being followed, and he was mocking her, choosing names that were a spit in the face to her hard work. No matter where she went, he was always one step ahead of her. _How?_

Sakura went through the motions as her mind wondered. Pulling off her now blood-stained clothes, she sealed them, along with the kunai, into a scroll and slipped into a new suit before using a fire-release jutsu to burn the scroll to dust.

With less than thirty seconds to detonation, the ANBU captain swiftly teleported from the room, leaving behind all guilt of what she had done to burn with the rest of the house.

...

Hana, Usagi, and Rindō were all waiting for Sakura when she arrived. Of the trio, Hana was the oldest at twenty-one, Usagi was nineteen, and Rindō was sixteen, the youngest ANBU trainee Sakura had seen in years. All three of them had striking silver eyes, smooth caramel skin, and hair darker than midnight that shone violet in the morning sun. Hana, the role model, kept her hair in a clean pixie-cut, while her two sisters had long hair the tumbled down their backs. Rindō's dark locks were braided into two tight braids, and Usagi just let hers run wild, clearly she was unbothered by the tangles that would form.

The three girls sat perfectly quiet, all silently sipping water and eyeing their surroundings. Their agreed meeting place had been a small, but upscale, pub in Tanigakure. They had heeded her advice, she could see. They were clean and wore civilian clothes instead of the standard uniforms.

Sakura always insisted upon removing any traces of a mission from her person before being seen in public, which was why she gave them until the next afternoon to drop off the scrolls at the nearest ANBU compound and find a place to stay before meeting with her for a debriefing. Plus, Sakura always found that giving rookies, especially ones who could work together and showed great potential, a little more freedom and trust did wonders for their confidence. And it made them, in turn, trust Sakura more.

"Ladies." Sakura greeted with a smile as she took a seat in front of them. Although she hadn't been in disguise, Sakura had developed a talent for sneaking up on even the most prepared shinobi and smirked when Rindō nearly jumped out of her skin.

Rindō opened her mouth to whine about how she wished Sakura wouldn't find such joy in sneaking up on them, but Hana shot her a look that stopped the words from forming. Rindō was thankful, too. Although Rindō was highly trained, she still fell short of her sisters in that they had mastered concealing their reactions, where Rindō had not. Getting surprised was no big deal really, but letting an enemy _know _they've surprised you, then you've already lost. Neither Hana nor Usagi were in the mood to sacrifice a night off so that Sakura could drill them on the importance of remaining calm at all times.

To be quite frank, Sakura didn't want to either. So, in a rare act of empathy, Sakura ignored the entire mishap and gave her rookies a smile. "You guys did great work. I'm assuming you made the drop?"

Usagi nodded. "We met Yamato-senpai at the checkpoint and made our way back here."

"I hope I didn't keep you." Sakura eyed Rindō this time, of the three, she was always the first to speak her mind. The raven-haired girl didn't disappoint.

"If by keep us, you mean say you'll be here at four o'clock when you really meant six o'clock.. Then no, you didn't _really_ keep us." Rindō huffed indignantly, earning another impenetrable glare from Hana and a small surprised smirk from Usagi.

Sakura threw her head back and laughed, a musical sound that rang through the noisy pub. "You sound _just _like I did when I was younger. My sensei was always late for everything. It was absolutely unnerving."

The sisters nodded knowingly. Hatake Kakashi, the man their trainer and captain had dedicated her young life to searching for. There was an emotion that flashed across Hana's eyes, a fleeting feeling that Sakura had seen reflecting from the eyes of many others as they watched her. It was a mixture of pity, confusion, and disappointment. As though they couldn't understand why she'd waste her best years and her famed talent on such a fruitless endeavor.

Sakura shrugged it away and left the table for a moment before returning with four pints of amber liquid. "Since this was officially your last mission with the dreaded Haruno Sakura, I thought we'd take a break for the night."

Taking the large glass from Sakura, Usagi smiled warmly. "You're really not that bad, Sakura-taichou."

"Yes, I am. You guys are just particularly talented." She argued, raising her drink as the girls followed suit. Hana was cool and collected as usual, Usagi was biting her lip nervously, and Rindō's smile looked like it was going to split her face in half any minute. "My shishou always said that having a high tolerance for alcohol was one of the most underrated abilities among shinobi. So as your final test, let's see just how prepared for ANBU you girls really are."

Their glasses clinked together, and in one long gulp, Sakura emptied her cup and watched with almost sadistic pleasure as the three sisters tried to do the same.

...

Sakura watched amused as Usagi and Rindō used their feminine wiles to purposefully lose at pool. They were clever, no one could deny that. They were in it for the long haul, and after only a few short hours, the sisters had raked up their winnings, careful to lose enough times to curb suspicion, and every time they won, it was only just barely. Sakura was enamored. Usagi was so drunk that she had long-since ditched her shoes and jacket, and her face was flush with drinking, but she still managed to do her part, albeit with much effort.

Rindō, however, had surprised her. The girl could drink. There was a free-spiritedness emanating from her that spoke of rebellion and unabashed favoritism. Sakura had never believed in favoritism among siblings, but if it did exist, then Rindō was a prime example of an easier life compared to her sisters. Especially since, unlike Hana, Rindō hadn't experienced war. She was laughing gleefully, downing shot after shot as though nothing fazed her. She was going to either wake up in a bathtub or put Sakura to shame if she kept on.

"Excited to return home, Sakura-taichou?" Hana saddled up next to her, breaking Sakura's train of thought. Hana was the least talkative, and Sakura was glad to see her loosen up a bit, if only for a night and if only because she had had many beers.

"Hmmm." She took a long drink of her beer and pondered Hana's question. "Not really. But.. I've been thinking that it's about time I return home for good."

Hana tilted her head quizzically, her dark eyebrows knitting together. "What do you mean?"

Sakura sighed and finished her beer slowly before answering. She didn't bother choosing her words carefully. Even though very few people really understood what purpose Sakura served among the ranks of ANBU, there were enough rumors, albeit quiet and kept safely close ones, about whom she was hunting and why. Sakura knew Hana had already figured her out.

"Maybe it's time I give up this thing. I'm never going to find him, because he doesn't want me to. For whatever reason, he..." Sakura trailed off, remembering the current state of the study in her apartment. Pictures, newspaper clippings, scrolls, maps, and sticky notes almost completely pertaining to Kakashi covered the one empty wall. She knew that the moment she walked into her study, the obsession would start again. The unbridled, selfish need to find him would overcome her and she'd be back on the field in a matter of days. It was one of the reasons she dreaded going home, because part of Sakura just wanted it to end, wanted to not care anymore.

Sakura looked around, then noticing that Hana had gone to join her sisters, a repressed but visible smile lighting up her delicate features, she turned back to the bar and ordered another drink.

Maybe some time off at home could get her a fresh perspective on everything. Plus, the festival of ghosts would be starting soon, and Sakura had been helping tend the Hatake family shrine since she started dating Kakashi. There was no way she'd stop now.


	3. Ghost

**AN POP POP! Thanks to everyone for reviewing! Did some research on the Japanese version of this holiday, so go me! Also, Shout out to Prescripto13 for calling it on the ancestors! Thanks to everyone who politely ignored my many many errors in the last chapter, and will probably ignore them in this one. I can't stop writing it though!**

**Please R&R xoxo**

**III.**

_Sakura sat on the barstool and watched, mesmerized, as Kakashi's long, nimble fingers carefully pinched the fluffy rice dough together, encasing the pork filling in a perfect, flowery bun. His hooded eyelids lazily hung at half-mast, but the way he bit his bottom lip in concentration assured Sakura that he was being anything but lazy._

_Kakashi never cooked. Although he could, he always did enjoy getting his meals from other people. Just not Sakura, anyone but Sakura. The only things she could make were smoothies and bread rations, both of which tasted horrible._

_But watching him now was like watching an artist. Kakashi had a way of exuding grace and experience from the most mundane of activities._

_He stood straight and stared at her blankly with the lift of an eyebrow. "I thought you were getting ready." His gaze flicked to a hairbrush and a small box of cosmetics that sat forgotten on the counter._

_Sakura pondered her response for a second. It had been awhile since she stroked his ego. "Can you blame me? You are just so handsome." She sighed, as though he were beyond her reach._

_He smirked but said nothing, which really wasn't a surprise. They'd only been living together for a little over a year, but this was the second time Sakura had accompanied him for the Bon Festival. He never talked about his family, which was fine, but he was always very quiet around this time of year. Instead of answering, he gently placed the buns in the bamboo steamer and set the curry to a low boil next to a few more dishes that were still slow-cooking._

"_I'm going to go shower and get dressed. Can you watch this for me?" He asked tiredly and Sakura noticed the dark circles under his eyes._

_She eyed the various pots and pans warily, but nodded nonetheless. Sakura brushed her hair and applied a small amount of makeup, her gaze straying to the stovetop every few seconds. But, the moment she left the room, everything went to hell._

_Sakura walked back into the kitchen, immediately greeted by a dark cloud of smoke. Her eyes watered and her nose burned as shock rendered her motionless. Choking, her cough snapped her back to reality and she quickly opened all the doors and windows to air out the room, but as a result the fire, _Oh my god a fire_, on the stove roared to life. _

"_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" She screamed, throwing open every cabinet and yanking out every drawer in search for anything to kill the flames, her mind not working fast enough._

_A strong hand gripped her shoulder and all but tossed her out the back door onto the balcony, causing her to lose her footing. Sakura oriented herself and turned to see Kakashi grabbing a huge plastic container of baking soda and pouring it over the stove, effectively putting out the fire, but also ruining most of the dishes._

_She stared as the rapid rise and fall of his toned shoulders slowed down until he appeared calm. Kakashi turned around to face her, giving Sakura a good look at him. He was soaked, water and soap dripping down his chest, his hair plastered against his face and neck, a pink towel snugly wrapped low around his narrow hips._

_Kakashi set down the now empty container, switched off the heat, and ran his hand through his hair, pushing soapy bangs from his face to reveal irritated, bloodshot eyes. Sakura stepped back inside and he grabbed her face, eyes roaming over her features. _

"_Are you okay?" He demanded._

_Her eyes were trained on the faint scar that dissected his lips. "What?"_

"_Sakura, were you burned?"_

"_Oh, please. I'm a medic, Kakashi. And no, I wasn't burned." Her gaze dropped to fthe loor, realization of what she'd just allowed to happen sinking in. "But I ruined your feast. I'm so sorry, Kakashi."_

_He laughed and wiped the tears that were forming from the corners of her eyes. "It's okay. I stayed up all night cooking another batch of everything anyway. It's all in the freezer."_

"_You anticipated me ruining everything!" Her face flushed with embarrassment and anger._

"_One must be prepared for anything." He lectured in a stern voice. Sakura raised her hand to smack him, but Kakashi caught it and laced his fingers with hers. _

_He pressed a kiss to her mouth, it was wet and tasted of soap._

。。。

Sakura slammed her fists onto the countertop in frustration, the marble cracking beneath the impact. She only faintly aware of another presence making its way into her home.

"You're going to have to redo this kitchen if you don't stop throwing tantrums." Sasuke's cool voice sliced through the angry haze that surrounded her mind and she jerked up to glare at him, but he remained unfazed and asked, "What are you doing?"

_This is exactly what I need right now. _"Obviously I'm making pork buns, Sasuke-_kun._" She answered saccharinely.

"Obviously." He deadpanned. "Why?"

She stared at him for a moment, clearly not really understanding why he had to ask such obvious questions, then went back to gently forming the dough. "For Kakashi's shrine."

Sasuke pressed his lips together and nodded, clearly using his abilities of restraint to not voice his opinion on the matter. "I was under the impression Mebuki-san did this for you."

"Well," she sighed, meeting his onyx gaze head on. "My mother decided that she no longer wants to enable such 'unnecessary and obsessive behavior.'"

"She has a point."

_That's it, let's kill him. _Sakura shook her head and took a deep breath, steadying herself. "If I don't do this, who will, Sasuke? You? Naruto? Obviously not. You have your own family shrines. My parents are doing a fine job on their own."

"But he's not coming back."

"It doesn't _matter_!" She practically screamed the last word, her voice on the verge of breaking. It had been so long since Sakura had lost her temper, that Sasuke actually flinched in surprise. "You would never abandon your responsibility to the Uchiha shrine, would you?"

He didn't say anything. His face was a blank slate, so she continued.

"The moment Naruto discovered his heritage, he's been just as dedicated to it. It's not about Kakashi coming back." A shaky breath escaped her mouth. _Maybe it is, at least a little bit. _"It's a matter of respect. If no one maintains it, then it's like he was never even here. I do it because I want to preserve the memory. And maybe the ancestors will watch over him where I cannot."

"You don't really believe in the ancestors watching over him." Sasuke replied pointedly.

"Sasuke, we've witnessed people being raised from the dead. You and Naruto have experienced _magic _far beyond anyone else's comprehension. Whose to say I am wrong?"

He let out a quiet laugh, the faintest of smiles curling at his mouth. "I'm here because Naruto has invited us, your parents as well, to his home for dinner."

"You know I will be with Ino."

"If I didn't ask, then he would come here and bother you himself. You know how annoying he is."

She smiled fondly. "Thanks, Uchiha."

...

Sakura nodded to the other families she had met before, trying to ignore the strange mix of pity and respect they sent her way for tending to the Hatake shrine alone. Most of the larger clans had shrines that were located within the village, but Kakashi came from a very old, once very prominent family that had remained unaffiliated until the third Hokage came into power, so his shrine was a few miles from Konoha, just outside a small civilian village. Needless to say, most hadn't known who she and Kakashi were, and on a small hill covered with civilian shrines, they had no reason to think he and Sakura were any different. So they all assumed Sakura was a widow.

Autumn was coming late, so the hot sun bore down relentlessly onto Sakura's back and shoulders as she swept away the dirt and vegetation that had accumulated on the marble floor of the shrine. The infrequent, crisp breeze of the season's changing gave little reprieve from the heat. The first bead of sweat gathering at her hairline fell from her bangs and landed in her eye. As she paused to wipe her face with a towel, that was when she felt a pair of eyes on her.

Sakura whipped her head around before letting her eyes drop to see a little girl staring up at her. Quickly, the kunoichi surveyed her surroundings. She knew every family on this row, but she had never seen this little girl before. There were at least two hundred people at this site alone, it would take all afternoon to find her parents, and Sakura simply didn't have that kind of time.

"Are you lost?" She asked in as gentle a voice she could muster. As she waited for a reply, Sakura took in the child's rather special appearance.

Judging by her bone structure, she was easily almost six years old, albeit a bit of a runt. Like many children, she had the paper-thin white skin that was usually attributed to poor health, either due to restricted diets from allergy or immune deficiency. She would probably grow out of it. Although these were traits found more commonly in civilian children, it was very clear that this young girl possessed chakra, for Sakura could almost hear the faint hum of untapped power that lie dormant beneath her delicate skin.

All of this gave her little reason to stare in fascination. It was her hair that caused Sakura to forget her manners. The girl had bright, olive-green locks that seemed to glow in the afternoon sunlight. Her hair was pulled into a single braid, with her short bangs falling just above her eyebrows which, like her long lashes, were the same color as fresh seaweed.

Working her way down the girl's face, Sakura found herself momentarily hypnotized by the large, hooded coal-like eyes that seemed on the verge of glowing red under the heat of Sakura's stare. Then, she noticed a small birthmark, a perfect little mole, under her left eye.

After what felt like an eternity, the girl spoke, her voice a ringing bell. "I don't think I am lost, but I don't know where my dad went."

Sakura inwardly groaned. _At least she doesn't seem bothered by it_. "Well, do you wanna help me while you wait?"

"I guess." She sighed, picking up a rag and wiping down the tombstones. Sakura watched her closely. She had immediately started doing exactly what Sakura needed without being told. She was quick. Intelligence practically sparkled from her stony orbs.

"So do you have a name?" Sakura asked.

The girl gave Sakura a disbelieving look as if to say _obviously. _"Yes."

"Well, mine is Sakura."

"Hmm."

"This is the part where you tell me your name." Sakura exasperated, trying to reign in her temper which had been so mercurial in recent days.

The girl pondered for a minute as if deciding what her name was to be at that moment. "You can call me Junko." She finalized with a toothy grin. "I have always wanted to be called that."

"How old are you, Junko?"

"Almost five!"

"Wow. I am genuinely surprised. I would have pegged you for at least six or seven."

"My dad says it's because I'm clever, which he says is like smart but better."

Sakura felt herself grinning too. "Your dad sounds like a clever man."

"No, he's just smart."

A laugh erupted from the pastel-haired woman's mouth before she could stifle it and within a minute the two girls had dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Alright, alright. Junko-chan, please grab the food and incense from that basket for me."

Doing as she was told, Junko handed Sakura the fruit and watched with fascination as the older woman arranged the food and lit the incense with a match.

"What is all of this for?" Junko asked, taking a stick of incense from Sakura and placing it between her palms the same way Sakura was.

"It's for the ancestors."

"What are ancestors?"

"Hmmm. They are.. Like the people who lived in your family a long time ago."

Junko's expression turned somber. "I don't think I have any ancestors."

"Of course you do." Sakura insisted, realizing she was out of her element.

Junko shook her head. "I don't have a mom. Just my dad, and he's never brought me here."

"He did now, didn't he?" Sakura offered, wanting to know if Junko had ever met her mother or if she had been too young to remember her, but she swallowed the question before it could be voiced.

She smiled as though the thought hadn't occurred to her and nodded vigorously. "So do I just pray and thank the ancestors?"

"That sounds perfect."

They sat in silence for a moment until a sharp, but patient voice pierced through the air and caused their heads to snap up.

"Dad?" Junko asked, her head tilted to the side and her teal eyebrows raised in confusion. "Why do you loo-"

The man must have shot her a look that either answered her question or promised punishment, because Junko's lips smashed together promptly. Sakura strained her eyes to see him, but the sunlight behind him obscured her vision.

"Jun. Come here now." His voice was deep and threatening, yet Sakura could hear a soft fondness at the edges.

Junko handed Sakura the incense and brushed off her auburn yukata before scurrying to meet her father.

Sakura waited patiently and began gathering all of her cleaning supplies, sealing them into a scroll and placing it in her basket. When she stood up, she was immediately face-to-face with the man who was apparently Junko's father. He was fast. _Too _fast.

Compared to his daughter, this man was almost boring. Without a single feature to set him apart from a crowd, he had fair skin, dark brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes. Were it not for the way Junko clung to his yukata, Sakura never would have guessed them to be related, let alone so closely.

"Thanks, Sakura-san, for letting me help you."

"_I_ should be thanking _you._" Sakura insisted. "Will I see you at the festival tonight?"

That had apparently been the worst possible thing to say, because judging by the way Junko's face went from surprised, to elated, to absolutely betrayed, Sakura could only assume that she hadn't known about the festival.

The older man laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his head in a way that sparked Sakura's interest. _There's no way.. _"I'd be more than happy to take her to the festival if you have something to do tonight, Mister.."

"Ryūki." He finished quickly. He glanced from Sakura to his daughter a few times before reluctantly holding out his hand.

"My name is Sakura." She grasped his it and in that moment, Haruno Sakura had never been more sure of anything. Electricity shot through her body the moment their skin touched. This was Hatake Kakashi. She just _knew _it. Careful to not let even the slightest amount of recognition show in her face, Sakura released him from her firm grip and gave him a kind smile. "It's really no trouble at all. I was going to come home early to wait for my friend, anyway. So you can pick her up at my place."

Ryūki, or so he claimed, seemed wary, but Junko had already started begging relentlessly in a way that threatened complete insubordination for weeks to come should he refuse.

"That sounds fine." He finally caved, setting Junko on the ground and bending down so that they were eye-level. "Jun-chan, listen to Sakura-san. I'll be back after dark to pick you up. Your tracking seal is activated. If anything happens, you know what to do." He gave her a kiss on the cheek and Sakura felt her heart swell uncontrollably when Junko blushed from the contact. Then, just like that, he was gone.

...

"Look, Sakura. I get it, okay? I hear you. You've lost hope and you're trying desperately to find significance where there is none." Ino reasoned, swallowing a cup of chilled sake.

"That's not what I said at all."

"I'm looking underneath the underneath." The blonde smirked. "Oh don't give me that face. The fact of the matter is that little girl is not Kakashi-sensei's and her father is not him. You need to let it go."

"Let's just look at the evidence. A family I've never seen before happens upon the Hatake shrine. Sure, she may not look like Kakashi, but she does look really familiar. I can't place it, but she looks like someone I know. Anyways, her dad suddenly disappears, then returns but it's like she doesn't even recognize him. Henge. Then when we shook hands.. Ino, I felt something."

"It's called attraction, Forehead. Besides, she's five years old. Kakashi has been gone for four. You guys were together for over two years. The math doesn't add up. That means he cheated on you. Kakashi would _never_ have cheated on you."

"But what if it wasn't on purpose? What if-"

Ino brought a finger to Sakura's lips and gave her a reprimanding look. "You sound mental, Sakura. And you know it. I still can't believe that you spent three hours at a festival with a kid just because you thought that maybe she could lead you to Kakashi-sensei. You hate kids."

Sakura finished her cup and gave Ino a glacial stare. "Number one, I can't believe you think I _wouldn't_ do that. And number two, I do not hate children. I just don't understand them."

"Whatever you say, Billboard Brow. Here." Ino reached for the bottle and poured them each another drink. "One more for the road. As much as I want to stay and see this mystery man myself, I can only leave my mother with the Nara family for so long until she loses her mind."

They finished their drinks, Ino giving her best friend a particularly strong goodbye hug, and then Sakura was left alone.

She glanced back down the darkened hallway and listened for the sound of Junko's soft snoring from her bedroom and sighed deeply. Ryūki still hadn't returned and it was well past dark. There was no way he'd gotten lost. He was a definitely ninja and he had some kind of seal on Junko's ankle that he could track. A seal like that could only mean blood relation, a close unbreakable bond. Junko was this man's daughter. If he was Kakashi, if she had finally found him, then she would always have to live with the fact that he had had a child with another woman.

_Ino is right. I am fucking crazy. There's just no way I'm right about any of this. _

For the first time in years, Sakura felt like crying. Really crying. The kind that only ended after she passed out from sheer emotional exhaustion. Even though she had been told her once that feelings were a strength, that emotions were a superpower to be harnessed, Sakura had thrown those ideals out the window the day Kakashi left. Sure, she searched for him because she loved him, because she felt betrayed and confused, but while she was on the field, she didn't have to feel a thing. So using her training, Sakura reached for the bottle and took a few long gulps and exhaled slowly until the overwhelming heartbreak had lost its sharp edges and she felt nothing but the dull ache of loss.

Then, as if on cue, the front door burst open and in tumbled Ryūki. Sakura was on her feet before he'd even taken a step inside and she caught him before he hit the ground. Her eyes widened in horror at what she saw. He was bleeding. Everywhere. And it was starting to pool at his feet. Quickly, she hoisted him into her arms and layed him across the dining room table.

"What happened?" Her voice was calm and demanded complete respect, but as he opened his mouth, blood bubbled up from between his lips and dripped down his chin. _Damn it._

Sakura checked his pulse. He had a good, strong heart beat, but his blood pressure was weaker than she wanted it to be. She carefully peeled his yukata from his body, making sure there were no burns, then grabbed a sanitized towel. He had a huge gash in his stomach. She pressed the towel to it and listened to his chest.

"You had three cracked ribs, a punctured lung, and a large gash in your abdomen. Anything else I should know?"

She met his eyes and gasped in surprise. They were dark as pitch, so unlike the chocolate brown ones from that afternoon. He held her gaze for a moment and Sakura swore she felt a tingle of familiar chakra around her, but ignored it. He shook his head and she went straight to work.

"I'm giving you a blood-replenishing pill. You don't have to chew it, just let it sit under your tongue."

He did as he was told and Sakura set to work. Methodically, Sakura cleaned his wounds and began probing his body with chakra until she was certain of where to begin repairs. She could feel his gaze on her constantly, the scrutiny caused the hairs on her arm to stand on end.

Footsteps broke her concentration and Sakura turned to see Junko staring at them with a terrified expression.

"Daddy?" She squeaked, tears already starting to stream down her face. Sakura was at a loss for what to do yet again, but luckily Ryūki had no plans to coddle his daughter.

Finding his voice, the man lifted his head slightly and gave her a stern look. "Jun. Go back to Sakura's room. Now."

"But-"

"I will not repeat myself." He was struggling to speak, but his words held intent where his voice could not and Sakura watched helplessly as the little girl stomped her foot but fled back to the bedroom.

Sakura faced him, her hands still hovering over his stomach, green light glowing from her palms. "You seem rather familiar with me to not use an honorific. How interesting."

That was the last time she spoke, because the next four hours were spent in complete concentration. Sakura poured her heart and soul into keeping this man alive, and she had every intention of doing so.

Stabilized and almost completely healed, Ryūki was fast asleep by the time Sakura finished. She fell onto the couch, physically and mentally drained. Her original plan had been to stay awake until the man woke up, but her body was fighting for rest.

The next morning, when she awoke, a cold sense of dread twisted in her stomach. Fleeing to the front door, she took a deep breath and smelled the fresh scent of lemon and bleach. The blood was gone. Her eyes trained on the table. It was spotless save for a tiny piece of paper.

Hands shaking, she slowly lifted the paper to read the all too familiar handwriting of her former sensei.

_Thank you, Sakura _

Then the world around her went black.


	4. Clarity

**AN OMG You guys are just so.. ugh just so awesome that I can't even begin to put it into words. I love you all and your words of encouragement and your ideas mean so much to me. This is a short chapter, very short, but with good reason. I originally had it on the last chapter, but then decided it stood better alone. The next part of the story will take awhile to churn out because I've only framed it and have yet to write any of it. This is the end of part one, so next time you get an update, there will be a whole lot of Kakashi. Okay. I'm done talking. **

**Please R&R xoxo**

_I love you, but I'm not myself._

Coyote Theory "Vibe"

**IV.**

_Sakura was just on the verge of sleep when she'd heard the front door slam shut with such force, she was certain the frame would need to be replaced. Sitting up on her elbows, she watched curiously as Kakashi appeared in the doorway. He didn't look at her, but Sakura could see the tension in his muscles, the fury that radiated from him in large, noxious waves. He shrugged out of his vest, obviously using everything in him to not hurl the suddenly offensive article of clothing into the wall. _

_Every careful, trembling movement he made spoke volumes of his self-control, because if his mood was strong enough that Sakura was picking up on it without trying, then that could only mean something terrible had happened at his meeting with Tsunade. _

_He disappeared into the closet for nearly ten minutes before reappearing in a pair of sweatpants and a tank-top. He was wearing his mask to bed, something he hadn't done since she'd seen his face for the first time a few months ago._

_Onyx orbs swept past her, blind to her presence, and he settled himself between the blankets, a foot of space between them._

"_If you were just planning to ignore me, why not go back to your apartment?" She asked with genuine curiosity and concern, although anger was only a few more minutes away._

_His eyes, which had been staring blankly at the ceiling, closed tightly, pinching his eyebrows together and deepening the faint lines on his face. It seemed like answering her physically pained him. "I have a solo mission."_

_Sakura wasn't sure if his response was meant to answer her question or direct her attention away from the question, so she tried to act natural and curled up next to him, resting her head on his stiff shoulder._

"_Is it going to be hard?"_

_He choked suddenly in surprise, as if she'd just made the most inappropriate comment imaginable. "It won't be difficult to carry out, no."_

"_I don't understand. Then what's the problem?"_

"_The problem is that I don't want to take it. They are forcing me to."_

_She hummed in response, pressing a hand to his chest and sending warm tendrils of healing chakra to coil through his muscles until he was sufficiently relaxed. Slowly, he snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her on top of him. She lazily complied, settling her knees on either side of his waist and bending down so that she could see his eyes properly._

_His mask was a way to conceal his emotions, but Sakura had memorized each one he hadn't bothered to hide from her in the past. She recognized this one immediately by the shape of his eyebrows and the small wrinkle in his forehead. It was despair._

"_Kakashi.. I love you." She said suddenly, surprising even herself. His expression softened, momentarily smoothing the worry-lines that marred his handsome face before immense sadness began to flood his features._

_She could practically hear the words that went unspoken, and for a moment she was sure that he was projecting his voice into her head and screaming them. _I know you do. That's what makes this so difficult.

"_I love you too, Sakura."_

。。。

"I think she's dead."

"Dobe."

"For a Hokage, you aren't particularly bright, Naruto-sama."

"The Hokage is chosen because of strength, Sai. Not intellect. Let us not forget that."

"Teme! You know that's not true!"

"Hn."

_What on earth is going on?_

Then she remembered. Like a shot, Sakura sat up straight, narrowly avoiding Naruto's forehead. "Kakashi!"

"Oh no. She has amnesia."

Naruto smacked Sai on the back of the head. "Social cues, you idiot!"

She was on her dining room floor and must have missed their monthly spar. "No no no no. He was here. He was _here_. He left a note."

The three men stared at her, each displaying varying degrees of confusion and pity.

Sakura's eyes fell to her hand. She'd just been holding the note, hadn't she? It was gone. Instead, her fingertips bore angry, red blisters and her palm was smeared black with the ashes of the note's remains. He'd written it on a timed, low level exploding tag.

"What time is it?" She asked no one in particular, her viridian gaze focused on her hand.

Naruto was the first to speak. "It's like 7 o'clock. There was a freak rainstorm this morning, so we thought you bailed because you were too hungover to spar in the rain, but then Sai was all 'Sakura doesn't get hangovers and she loves sparring in the rain' because apparently Sai stalks you. And we were going to come over earlier, but we ran into Ino and Shikamaru and Chouji having barbecue, so-"

"Please stop talking." Sakura interrupted. "All of you get out, please."

Naruto wanted to argue, but Sasuke clearly knew a storm was coming and grabbed Naruto by the arm, Sai following suit until they managed to successfully drag him from the apartment.

She'd been out for nearly an entire day. How did he do it? Was the paper laced with drugs?

She lifted her fingers to her nose and smelled them before taking a quick taste to confirm her suspicions.

No one was going to believe her._ Damn, he's good. Forget what Junko said. Her father is very clever._

Father. Kakashi had a daughter. While he was with Sakura, he'd gotten someone pregnant. But that was not reason enough to abandon the village. What was she missing?

Sakura didn't bother changing out of her training shorts and favorite sweater. She stood on stiff legs and marched herself into a pair of shoes before bounding out the door.

She needed answers, and she needed them now.

When Sakura finally made it to Tsunade's office at the hospital (which was not unlike her office had been while she was the Hokage) she idly wondered of maybe she should have at least looked in the mirror before leaving the house.

Tsunade's perfectly shaped eyebrows rose slightly as she took in Sakura's appearance. "What do you want?"

Sakura took a deep breath and detached herself from the situation for optimum results. Tsunade would respond more aptly if she believed Sakura was so distraught over Kakashi, that she had resorted to completely switching off her emotions. It wasn't uncommon, but it wasn't easy to do consciously. And those who did truly so on their own accord, very often couldn't reverse the process.

"Tsunade-shishou. I need to know what happened to Kakashi." Her voice was even, and Sakura made sure to unfocus her gaze. "If you want, you can have my memory erased. I'll even make a written statement saying that I understand what you've done and that I accept the need for a memory altering jutsu."

"And what would that solve?" She was trying to appear bored, but Sakura didn't miss the worry that darkened her eyes, or the intrigue that pitched her voice a note too high.

"I like to think that if I could get peace of mind, even if it is only for a little while, then maybe it can help me accept that he's really gone and there's nothing I can do."

Tsunade didn't need to know what Sakura had concluded on her way to the hospital.

Contrary to popular belief, it was impossible to erase a memory because different aspects of one memory were stored all over the brain. Usually, the shinobi in charge of the procedure would first determine which of the five senses was most prominent in the memory, then use a jutsu to seal it away.

People like Ino could plow through those barriers with a specialized kekkai genkai. Obviously Sakura didn't have that blood-born ability.

However, and although this was only a theory, Sakura was sure if she could use her chakra to put a thin, microscopic barrier around the different parts of the memory before anyone could alter or hide it, then she could use the remaining components that were not sealed away to break down the wall of the one that was.

There was also a good chance she would end up brain-dead.

"No."

Sakura started and looked at her mentor disbelievingly. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Sakura."

"Why not?"

Tsunade sighed sadly, shaking her head. "Because I don't trust you anymore, Sakura. And it breaks my heart to say it aloud."

Sakura's heartbeat quickened at the admission, causing adrenaline to surge through her bloodstream like liquid ice. The careful control she'd had over her body was slowly coming undone stitch by stitch, and had been for months.

Then it hit her all at once. Every repressed emotion burst forth in a painful torrent. She had sealed away the parts of herself that gave her humanity. And of course she had. How else could she have selfishly chased after something the way she had been doing? It would have been impossible to live the way she had with the weight of her decisions bearing down on her constantly.

How many of her relationships were hanging on by a thread? How much of herself had she sacrificed? How many times had her actions kept her loved ones up at night, sick with worry and self-loathing for being unable to help her?

The cold reality washed over her, saturating her thoughts and leaving a bitter taste of regret in her mouth.

"I used to be happy." Sakura realized quietly.

Tsunade had stood up at some point and was now wrapping her arms around the younger kunoichi, gently stroking her hair as warm tears began to fall onto her bosom.

"I will say this, Sakura." Tsunade said, her voice taking on a maternal tone that Sakura had never heard before. "Kakashi was given a mission once that he couldn't refuse. He was furious with me, but my hands were tied by the Council. Neither of us had known the full extent of what we were getting him into until much later. By then, it was too late. I'm bound by an unbreakable oath to say anymore."

Sakura pulled away and wiped her eyes, a hollow laugh dying in her throat. "I should have just gone to Naruto. He's so much easier to manipulate."

Tsunade chuckled. "That's what you get for trying to go through me."

"Thank you, Tsunade."

Sakura returned to her apartment in a haze. She was so ashamed of letting herself fall into such a state. What was worse, she now understood the full extent of what she had become, but still the unbridled need to find Kakashi was even stronger than before, except now Sakura wasn't so sure she was going to act on it.

Sakura had experienced clarity and she felt _free_.

It was in that freedom, that moment of blissfully unburdened acceptance that left her mind as clean and clear as fresh water when she finally remembered who it was Junko favored.

A woman, someone from Kakashi's distant past, that Sakura had only met briefly, flashed through her mind. Although Kakashi had told his pupils that she had died an honorable ninja, taking her own life, there was no denying the resemblance.

Junko was almost a perfect copy of the woman, only her hair was a shade brighter and she had Kakashi's dark charcoal irises.

Sakura struggled to put a name to the face, questioning whether or not she was doing exactly as Ino had accused, _finding significance where there was none_. A name she'd not heard in over ten years was piecing itself together. Then it came to her, and with it, her image sharpened vividly, leaving no more room for doubt.

_Hanare._


	5. The Beginning

**AN This is definitely going to clear up a lot of confusion. You guys are the best reviewers! It's so great! Sadly I should to stop writing this for a least a week. I'm a Dungeon Master and we are supposed to do part of our campaign this Saturday, and I haven't actually finished writing it yet... Soooo yeah. Go me. I need to work on that, although we'll see. I usually write fanfiction while I'm on the bus, and I'm on the bus a lot haha. I digress. Now! Onto the Kakashi! This chapter is a little sexual, btw.**

**Please R&R xoxo**

_Trust me, if I could control it, it'd be under control._

Miniature Tigers "Ugly Needs"

**V.**

"I refuse." Kakashi said firmly.

Tsunade shook her head. "You were specifically requested both by Hanare and the council. She won't do business with us unless it's you."

He stared back at her with unwavering resolve.

"Kakashi. This woman is offering us incredibly valuable information regarding the Teikoku clan. We cannot pass up this opportunity. It's for the good of the village."

"You don't believe this is the right way to go about it."

"It doesn't matter what I believe. I understand why the Council has overruled my authority on the matter."

"It could be a trap."

"You know it isn't. You saw how terrified she was. The Teikoku are becoming too powerful. That woman is not weak, she wouldn't have come to us if she were. Something big is coming and we need to be prepared."

Kakashi was starting to feel trapped. He clenched his fists in frustration, trying to control the rage simmering under his skin. "I don't see how my fucking someone is going to save the village."

Tsunade sighed and drank a few large gulps of sake before looking him in the eye. "Yes you do. That's why you're so angry, because you know it's hopeless to fight it."

"Tsunade-sama, you know as well as I do that I'm not refusing the mission because of what it entails. I'm refusing because of what it will lead to. There's a reason this only seems like a small part of a huge bargain. What she's offering.. It's more valuable than what is written on this paper. I will not sign away my soul without knowing exactly what will be expected of me."

"Yes you will. Because not doing so would be considered an act of treason. Are you telling me that you have plans to commit treason against your village, Kakashi?"

He hung his head in defeat. "No, Tsunade-sama." He took the pen from her hand and signed his name. His obsidian eyes bore into the paper, hopelessly searching for the truth, willing it to materialize in the spaces between words. When nothing happened, he brought his thumb to his mouth, pierced the skin and let the taste of his own blood reach his tongue before pulling it away and pressing it to the paper. Tsunade did the same, and immediately the scroll came to life, their blood activating a seal that spread across the paper like snow splattered with blood.

The seal slowly faded, taking with it the words of a binding agreement until it was nothing more than an empty scroll.

It hadn't been the first time Kakashi signed such an oath, and he highly doubted it would be the last, but he found little comfort in that train of thought. It only served to fill him with a terrible feeling of inescapable purpose.

The past year had brought so many changes. The most radiant one being his less than scrupulous nightly visits to Sakura's bed that had transformed into something he truly cherished. After months of making himself sick over how much he wanted her, months of begging her to stop letting him come over and find someone she deserved, she finally convinced him to stay.

And he was so thankful she had.

But soon enough, it would all amount to nothing. Maybe the consequences of this mission wouldn't come to fruition soon, but it was inevitable. There was no way a blood oath was required for this level of mission.

No, they expected his loss to be far greater than the inner turmoil he would feel as a result of being unfaithful to the first person he'd cared about in years.

They needed him trapped in a legally binding agreement that pledged his loyalty and service to the mission and the village. Kakashi dreaded to know what it was that could possibly warrant such a precaution.

...

The Teikoku clan was well known in many circles and virtually invisible to others.

Unaffiliated to any village, they were a large group of nomadic ninja spread across the world. They thrived during post-war economies recruiting runaways and political activists.

They had been around since the villages were formed, and so long as they didn't directly disturb the peace, they weren't a particularly big threat.

At least, not until recently. Their numbers had nearly tripled in size, making them the largest unaffiliated group in history, and they were impossible to track.

The Teikoku clan was a stain on the ninja world, a stain that the five nations kept carefully under wraps.

They could be helpful, able to find anything, or anyone, for the right price

Essentially, they were the black market.

And Hanare was a member.

Tsunade had said that during the last Kage Summit, most of the village leaders were experiencing a huge influx in crime at village borders, making it impossible to assume what country should be held responsible.

That was when the Teikoku came under suspicion. All the Kage admitted to not having any information about them.

Then, like an answered prayer, Hanare comes to Konoha offering names, locations, and future plans. What did she want?

A child. The Teikoku clan leaders were apparently sending out their finest kunoichi to seduce powerful ninja, preferably with kekkai genkai.

Although he'd never admit it out loud, he thought the plan was absolutely genius.

He understood that should whatever the higher ups have planned, it wouldn't be wise to allow something as valuable as the Hyuuga bloodline limit in enemy possession, so it only made sense to choose him. No family, no kekkai genkai, and still very strong, so he made a good enough candidate.

However, Kakashi couldn't shake the feeling that he made a good candidate for this mission for more reasons than they were telling him.

The Council was getting more than just information.

Kakashi shook the tumultuous thoughts from his mind and soldiered on. He'd spent the better part of his day in a pub pretending to read. It took far less time to arrive at their meeting place than he had anticipated, and for once in his adult life, Kakashi was worried that he might actually be early.

He scaled the wall of Hanare's hotel, half expecting, half hoping that it was a trap, but much to his dismay, she was seated alone, her back to the window.

Hanare heard the window sliding open and turned around to greet him. Kakashi hadn't gotten a good look at her face during the interrogation. He felt as though the breath had been knocked from his lungs.

She was still incredibly beautiful, and for a few seconds Kakashi was able to forget how much he didn't care for her or this situation. Her long, dark green hair was pulled into a loose braid, wisps of olive green falling around her large, auburn brown eyes. There was a sadness in those eyes he hadn't expected. This woman turned her back on her village for a family, and apparently that family had betrayed her by forcing her into this.

What else was going on behind the scenes they weren't telling him? What was happening within the Teikoku that drove her to turn her back on them?

Reality was starting to sink in and Kakashi fully understood what was about to transpire.

"Kakashi. It's been awhile."

He climbed inside, putting a seal on the window and brushing past her to do the same to the door. Satisfied, he faced her, pinning her with his cold stare.

"I see you no longer have your sharingan." Her hands were balled into fists as she clutched the fabric of her dress, knuckles turning white.

Still he said nothing, instead opted for removing his vest and his headband, letting them fall to the ground. Then he stepped out of his shoes and made his way to her.

Kakashi stopped in front of her and watched as her eyes moved in familiar patterns. She was probing his memories.

"You're living with that pink-haired student of yours. How odd, isn't she a bit young for you?"

"Hanare." He knew she was baiting him, trying to get him to talk.

"He speaks, and he doesn't trust me, or his leaders about this mission. That's an interesting development for a man so devoted to his village."

He thought about hitting her, but the satisfaction he would feel from wiping that smug look from her face with the back of his hand would be over all too quickly.

"Get out of my mind or I will pluck that eye out of your head." He warned, employing a sinister tone of voice he'd forgotten he possessed. "I'm here, so let's please get this over with."

Her face fell, revealing the deep sadness he'd seen just moments before. She wasn't toying with him for any reason other than putting off the inevitable.

He took a seat on the end of the bed and she stood up, slowly peeling away her clothes. She came to stand before him, her eyes never leaving his as she undid the braid and allowed her hair to fall around her shoulders in a curtain of wavy, dark olive-green locks. The lone light from the lamp next to the bed casting an eerie glow over her fair skin, illuminating the curves of her body.

Kakashi willed his body not to react, but when she straddled his hips, pressing herself against him, his eyes rolled back and he grasped the duvet to keep from shaking. She rolled her hips, expertly grinding her exposed sex over his growing erection and he groaned quietly, the sound was a combination of guilt and pleasure that drove her to move faster.

Despite his body's protests, Kakashi's hands came to her waist and he gripped it tightly, roughly slamming her down on him and forcing the wet heat that emanated from between her thighs to permeate the fabric of his pants.

Hanare moaned and began fumbling with his zipper in a nervous manner that reminded him of Sakura.

_Sakura. _

He closed his eyes and imagined that the hand wrapping around his erection belonged to her. Almost immediately, he felt a shock of pleasure surge through his body. The woman above him aligned him with her entrance, and Kakashi kept his eyes tightly shut as she impaled herself with him.

He imagined Sakura's pastel-pink hair falling into her face, casting a shadow over her jade eyes, then her magenta eyebrows would pull together, causing the little diamond of power on her forehead to lose its shape. She was blushing furiously, always a little bit shy to be the center of his attention. Her eyes were glazing over with pleasure, and she was whispering his name.

His breathing became more erratic as his imagination became more vivid. Gone was he from this place. He wasn't in a hotel with a woman he didn't respect. He was in Sakura's living room and her eyes were closed as she bobbed up and down, taking him deep inside of her. Kakashi grabbed onto her narrow hips, freeing her hands, and watched in unrestrained fascination as Sakura began running her fingertips over her breasts and down her stomach. One of her hands disappeared in the shadow between them and Kakashi realized she was touching herself.

Kakashi didn't bother stifling the moan that ran up his throat and burst from his mouth in the form of his lover's perfect, beautiful name. He felt the walls around him tighten and he came almost immediately, emptying himself into her.

His eyes remained closed long after Hanare had gotten up. She'd said something snide to him, but he didn't care enough to listen to her words. Only after Hanare had disappeared into the show did he allow himself to open his eyes and return to reality. Shame washed over him and he hunched down, burying his face in his hands.

...

Sakura was at his front door again. She'd come twice a day since he returned from his mission last week. For someone with a famously mercurial temper, she was being terribly patient with him. He wished she'd just stop. After the tenth knock, he heard her sigh and set something on the ground. It was probably food. Although, yesterday she'd left him a copy of _Icha Icha: The Lost Years_ that she found in an old bookstore near her apartment. It was a limited edition, first print, but he didn't take it.

He listened with a heavy heart as she gather up the bags of untouched food and gifts she'd been trying to bribe him with. It wasn't that he wasn't thankful. Sakura had always been incredibly thoughtful, but he couldn't stand to look at her right now and didn't want to encourage her. He knew the moment he saw her, he would change his mind, and he couldn't allow that to happen.

The mission with Hanare had made him physically sick with guilt, but it wasn't just that. Hanare had apologized to him for something that hadn't happened yet. It was confusing and frightening.

Kakashi didn't want Sakura to be with a man like him any longer. Something was coming, and it involved him. The fear of the unknown future was eating him from the inside out.

Sakura's chakra signature faded from his senses and he sighed in relief. She was gone for now.

Picking himself off the floor, Kakashi went to his room and collapsed on the bed. He was exhausted. He'd spent all day training with his genin team. Normally that wouldn't leave him so tired, but to ensure that Sakura wouldn't stumble upon him, he'd taken the three hopeful ninja to a forest nearly five miles north of the village to practice trap-setting and stalking. Then, of course, there was the fact that he had barely gotten any sleep in a week.

Suddenly, the front door was thrown open and he groaned in frustration.

"Get up, Kakashi."

Curling into himself, Kakashi sighed. "Go away, Sakura."

"I'm not leaving until to tell me right now why you're avoiding me." He could picture her hands on her hips as she spoke.

"Because," he rolled onto his back and met her gaze, "I don't want to see you."

Hurt flashed across her face, her voice weakened by his words. "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. Now get out of my apartment, please."

"Why are you shutting me out?" She pleaded.

He sat up and sighed again, steeling himself for a reply. "Sakura, look. You're a great girl. You'll find someone. Half of the population would do anything to be with you. I'm not one of those people. This isn't working out. If I'm going to be with someone, she would need to be much more emotionally mature than you. Now, I will ask you one last time. Please leave."

She threw her hands up and laughing coldly. "You're such a coward. It would take more than an _emotionally mature _woman to deal with this bullshit. If you want to selfishly wallow in your self pity, then go right ahead, I won't keep you. Just remember this: I know I could probably have anyone I wanted, but I chose you. I _want _to be with you. I even kept our relationship as quiet as possible, just because you asked me to. Even though the only person who gives a damn about it is you. I was so stupid to think that you could want me for anything more than sex."

"Sakura.."

"What, Kakashi? Isn't it true? Don't think I've not heard about your conquests. Your reputation definitely precedes you. It was silly of me to think that Hatake Kakashi with the emotional range of a teacup could possibly have changed his ways for me."

She was trying to get under his skin, and it was working wonderfully. However, she must have noticed the change in him because her expression softened considerably and she sat on the bed next to him.

"Kakashi.. Whatever it is they're making you do..." She reached up and pulled his mask down, letting her fingers caress the soft skin of his neck as she did so. "I love you, and if you really want me to get out of your life, I will. But I know you don't want that. So please come back home. You don't have to tell me what happened, just please don't shut me out. We could die at any moment, and I don't want to feel regret for the things I didn't do when that happens."

He couldn't stop himself. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers, swallowing her words with desperate need.


	6. Winds Of Change

**AN! Shout out to Mateba! Great deduction skills. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! It means so much! I lurve you guys! Also, there is another fanfiction that mentions a jutsu that can cause messages to appear on hands.. I think it was a kakasaku one, but i can't remember the name. So if anyone knows, please tell me so I can give credit where it is due! I like how I keep saying I'm going to stop writing and then I don't. No self control.**

**This was partially inspired by neonanything's fanart entitled Kakashi-ronin so check it out!**

**Please R&R! xoxo**

_Would you want me less if I never left?_

Jaill "Waste A Lot Of Things"

**VI.**

_He stared at the words in front of him, not convinced. Had it already been a year since his mission with Hanare? _

_Kakashi gave up worrying about that mission months ago, vainly hoping that it was behind him._

_Refocusing his attention, he began reading the letter from Hanare, spots clouding his vision with each line._

_No. This couldn't be happening. It was just a dream._

_Kakashi took a deep breath, staving the dizziness threatening to bring him to his knees. He looked up at Tsunade who had been closely monitoring his reaction. _

_She opened her mouth and closed it again with a defeated sigh._

_"Did you know about this?" He asked, his voice shaking._

_"No, I did not."_

_"Don't lie to me, Tsunade-sama, please."_

_Her jaw dropped. "What reason do I have to lie to you? It doesn't make a fucking difference now!" _

_Her hand was gripping the end of her desk and Kakashi watched at the wood splintered from the strength of her grip. _

_"You think I would have let you come in here and ask for help in proposing to my Sakura if I thought for even a second something like this was going to happen?" _

_A crack formed on the surface of the wood, branching out in all directions and covering the desk. It was only a matter of seconds until the piece of furniture was reduced to a pile of dust and files._

_Kakashi felt like that desk. So much pressure, expectation weighing down on him, threatening to break him into a million useless pieces._

_He didn't want to become a spy for the Teikoku Clan. He'd be alone, with a child under his protection. He scoffed. Him. A father. He'd think it was funny were the situation not so very far from humorous._

"_This is what I signed my life away for. To become a spy in the Teikoku clan and ensure that child lived long enough to become a member of the village." He shook his head, so very disappointed in his leaders._

"_Don't blame this on the Council, Kakashi. As far as they're concerned, you're an unattached man with enough experience to fit the bill. Blame Teikoku."_

_His eyes found the letter and his gaze roamed over it again, immense sadness twisting in his chest painfully. The ring he'd been carrying around for weeks was now burning a hole in his pocket. It needed to be out of his possession and nowhere near Sakura. If she found out that he had been planning to propose to her, she would be completely devastated. _

_Pulling the box out of his pocket, he gently set it on Tsunade's desk, causing her eyes to glaze over with unshed tears. She loosened the grip on her desk and picked it up._

_"Promise me, Tsunade-sama, that Sakura will never find out about this."_

_She nodded, opening the box to eye the beautiful ring. It had cost him a fortune, but it was absolutely perfect. "Oh Kakashi, she would have loved it."_

_Stuffing his hands back into his pockets, he gave her a pained eye-smile. "I know."_

_"Kakashi, I... "_

_"Don't, please. Just give me the mission details before I have time to process any of it."_

_..._

_Kakashi walked through the apartment he'd shared with Sakura for nearly a year and a half. He scanned the photographs she'd hung in the hall. Sakura had made black and white copies of their team pictures._

_He walked into the bedroom and took a deep breath, committing the clean, sweet aroma to memory. _

_Sakura's favorite smell was laundry, which Kakashi found hilarious because he'd never seen her do her own laundry before, yet the apartment always had the scent of fresh linens._

_He opened every dresser drawer, touching anything that belonged to Sakura. A red t-shirt, soft brown cargo shorts, white cotton panties. Then he made his way to their bed. Sakura had overslept, forgetting to make the bed on her way out. He straightened the blankets, smoothing them down, then rearranged the pillows. He picked one up and brought it to his nose, breathing in the scent of Sakura's shampoo deeply. _

_"Are you smelling my pillow?" _

_Kakashi whipped around to see Sakura smirking at him. When had she gotten so quiet?_

_"No." He set the pillow back down on the bed and directed his attention elsewhere. "Long day?"_

_"Oh my god, yes." She walked further into the room and began pulling off her clothes, well aware that his eyes were following her every move. "The hospital was a mess and I -"_

_She didn't get to finish recounting her day to him, for the moment her shorts hit the ground, he was on her, pushing her against the closed closet door and devouring her mouth. She gasped in surprise, but responded by reaching up and twisting her fingers into his silver hair. _

_She pulled away for breath and gave him a funny look. "What has gotten into you?"_

_He began planting slow, wet kisses behind her ear and down her throat as he unzipped his jacket and tossed it aside. Bringing his lips to her ear, he ran his tongue over it, causing Sakura to shiver. "I've not been able to stop thinking about you all day. I need you, Sakura."_

_She moaned at his words. "I'm yours, you know."_

_Kakashi had every intention of spending all night appreciating her figure, for it would probably be the last time he ever would, but all of the sadness and guilt and anger was making him burn with need. Undoing his pants, Kakashi continued to suck on Sakura's pulse, reveling in the way her heart beat erratically against his tongue._

_He pushed the fabric of her blue panties to the side and pulled away to look her in the eyes. "I love you."_

_She nodded and Kakashi could see that she was so happy to see him. Sakura loved him so much that he sometimes found it difficult to even look at her, as though the moment he acknowledged it, she would disappear forever. "I love you too, Kakashi."_

_They didn't bother making the short trip to the bed, he plunged himself into her, and immediately Sakura grasped onto his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his waist._

。。。

Kakashi jerked awake. It had been weeks since he dreamed about that day. He wiped his eyes and looked around the room. It was still early morning.

"I never should have gone to see her." He murmured to himself. That had been nearly a year ago and there wasn't a day he didn't think about it. Had he completely steered clear, then maybe she wouldn't invade his thoughts or his dreams so often.

He'd just needed to confirm whether or not the rumors were true. Kakashi _had_ to see her, even if only for a second. Ever since he caught wind that Sakura was the ANBU captain who had been tracking him, he couldn't get her out of his head. The last time he'd seen Sakura, she was working in the hospital full-time as Chief of Medicine.

He couldn't believe how she had changed. She had killed one of the Teikoku's main contributors, Kawa. Kakashi had examined the sight himself. Haruno Sakura blew up a mansion full of people to get one man.

Grant it, her cold-hearted actions had save him some trouble, but that wasn't the Sakura he knew. His Sakura never would have been so cruel. He'd created her, just like Itachi had created Sasuke. The guilt was enough to kill a lesser man.

And yet, although going to see her may have negatively affected his ability to do his job for awhile, but apparently it had done the opposite for Sakura. In the most recent update from Konoha, Naruto mentioned that something changed in Sakura, that she was happier and found a permanent ANBU team to lead, having all but given up her search for him.

Ambivalent was the best way to describe how Kakashi felt about it. Relief had cleared his head and filled his lungs with clean, breathable air. No longer would he need to worry about her or anyone else chasing him all over the globe. On the other hand, the bitter sting of despair sunk its claws well into Kakashi's heart.

A quiet, suckling sound broke his train of thought and Kakashi turned to see Jun fast asleep in the other bed, her thumb fastened tightly between her two lips.

Kakashi frowned deeply and extracted himself from the sheets to walk over to her. With practiced precision, he tugged her hand as delicately as possible until her thumb came free with a soft _pop._

He sighed, brushing her olive-green bangs from her pretty face. Kakashi was worried about Jun. In spite of everything, he had very much fallen in love with the little girl. She was the only reason he still fought. Although he may have not liked Hanare, whatever they did to her while she was pregnant had killed her, simultaneously creating a weapon out of this little girl.

Jun was so immensely powerful, rivaling even the jinchuriki, and she was the only child to survive past infancy. They had managed to harvest her power and strengthen it tenfolds, but not without great consequences.

The experimentation had left her body weakened. She had so much chakra, that were the seal to break, the sudden flow of chakra would kill her instantly, but without her chakra's regenerative effects, she was dying a slow death anyway.

Kakashi felt useless. He'd tried everything. Every life-risking mission to get a scroll about sealing jutsu had been fruitless. There had to be a way to weaken the seal, to only let a small amount of chakra trickle out, adding more and more as she got older, but he wasn't confident enough in himself to even try. He definitely didn't trust anyone here.

His palm began to tingle and Kakashi pushed up his long-sleeve to see a message being scrawled out in real time.

_Team Karasu. Report to mission briefing immediately._

The words disappeared, leaving no trace that they were ever there except for the dull throb he felt when he flexed his fingers. Forming the appropriate hand-signs, Kakashi sloppily wrote a message to Mesu, Jun's retainer, and began getting dressed immediately. These people didn't find his tardiness to be the least bit charming and it wouldn't do him well to test them so early in the day.

With precise, but slow movements, Kakashi pulled his light-weight kusari on over his thin, long sleeve shirt before locating a recently-worn katabira, it was frowned upon to wear clean clothes because they lacked the scents of travel on them and thus made the wearer more noticeable. He grabbed his brown, divided hakama, tying it securely at his waist, then using bandages to tighten the bottoms so they could fit into his boots.

Finally, Kakashi secure his let and hip packs and slung his katana over his shoulder, pulled on his boots, and was out the door.

Kakashi very much enjoyed the traditional garb everyone in the Teikoku seemed to prefer. Although they operated like a full-fledged village, they remained nondescript on the field and left little to no signs of their presence once a base had been used to it's full potential.

Right now they were in Wind Country, buried deep inside the treacherous, mountainous landscape that dotted the country's bordered. The caves were catacomb-like, cold and very dark. However, to avoid leaving traces behind once they left, there were no signs and no torches to help direct him, Kakashi simply had to memorize the labyrinth of hallways that connected the caves.

Kakashi knew he was drawing nearer to his destination when the sound of wind howling began to howl quietly in the distance, and the air became dry and gritty. Pulling up his mask, he descended into the mouth of a cave that opened up onto the harsh, sandy terrain of Wind Country.

"Kakashi. You're late."

He met his partner, Genshi's green eyes with a sheepish grin. "If Ieyasu isn't here yet, then I'm not late."

"I'm here! I'm here!" Ieyasu called from the top of the opening, diving down to meet them. He skidded to a halt, bumping shoulders with Kakashi.

"Genshi, Kakashi, Ieyasu, now that you're all here." Kakashi almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of a familiar, cool voice.

Teikoku Nobunaga was the ruthless leader of the Teikoku clan and had been for over a decade. Despite the masculine name, Nobunaga was a woman and far more fearful than the Godaime had ever been, even on her worst days. From what Kakashi had gathered, once her father died and she rose to power, the clan began experiencing many changes in dynamics, shifting their focus away from simply living free of the Five Nations, and onto much more sinister activities.

Human experimentation being only a small portion of that.

Although Kakashi was trying his hardest to sow the seeds of rebellion within the clan while feeding Konoha enough information to seemingly at least weaken the Teikoku, they always bounced back too quickly. Which is why Suna, Konoha, and Kiri were all working together to snuff out any Teikoku contributors or sympathizers.

"There is a small team of ninja, affiliation unknown, who have been sniffing around our underground market in Suna. It's only just become fully functional. I have no idea how word could've reached the villages that quickly. I need you three to capture the team and bring them in for questioning. I want them all alive and coherent. Dismissed."

Without another word, Genshi faced the opening first and jumped into the early morning light, disappearing into the clouds of sand blown around by an impending storm. Ieyasu and Kakashi followed suit.

Anxiety fluttered in the pit of Kakashi's stomach. He wasn't sure why, but he definitely didn't have a good feeling about this mission.


	7. Caught

**AN Thanks so much for the love and support! I churned this out on the way to and from work this morning and couldn't stop myself. More sexy stuff.. Mainly because I love writing a sexy Kakashi. Can you blame me, though? Sorry if there are any mistakes. I've got to head to my next job and need this out!**

**Please R&R! xoxo**

**VII.**

He smelled her the moment he entered the market, which said a lot more about himself than her carelessness at having a scent. To even the highest ranking ninja, she was just another woman in a crowd of shady characters, but most people hadn't lived with her, so the faint fragrance of freshly washed towels was little cause for notice.

However, Kakashi knew that had he not dreamed of her last night, he wouldn't have been unconsciously seeking her out.

In a ocean of spice, opium, sweat, and sex, a fresh aroma like laundry, especially with such a strong memory attached to it, had the power to draw him in instantly.

He scanned the different vendors, trying to remain as nonchalant as possible. Kakashi hated these kinds of places.

It was so crammed with people that even in an arid climate like Suna's the air was moist with perspiration and pollution.

If it was Sakura's group that's been surveying the market, and Kakashi was certain that Sakura wouldn't be in a place this, or even know of a place like this, then would have to fight her, to incarcerate her, and he wouldn't be able to hide his identity without seeming suspicious.

Where was she?

If her presence had been noticed, then she was obviously conspicuous enough to be taken for an outsider, but not so much that she gave away her village.

Aside from the vendors, most people were dressed in well-worn traveling clothes. So it stood to reason that she was dressed somewhat the same, albeit cleaner. There was no mention of her hair, or even that there was a kunoichi.

If she caught on that she was noticed, surely she would have found a more adequate disguise.

He wanted to summon his pack. It had been so long since he'd seen them, but a sudden burst of familiar chakra would alert her instantly.

_If I knew I was being followed, where would I go? Taking into account who's following me, my surroundings.. It would need to be so obvious that no one would think to look there, or if they did there would be enough distractions to manipulate the situation.._

"Hello, Kakashi-san. It's only been a week and you're already back."

Kakashi turned to see Kenshin, the only vendor he knew by name. Kenshin was incredibly old, but so incredibly not old fashioned. He sold pornographic videos and novels, as well as an assortment of other aids. Kakashi had known him for many years.

"I'm still reading the one you recommended last week." Kakashi nodded politely. "It's not Icha Icha, but it is still pretty good."

" I guess with a kid it's harder to find time. I've been asking around about those books, but most of them are too valuable to get into my batch."

"I understand, no worries old man." He gave him an eye smile. "You get here early every day, right?"

"Sometimes I even stay the night just to keep my place. These old junkies don't have any respect for their elders."

"I hear you. Listen, I'm looking for a someone new here, possibly a young woman."

Kenshin's leathery face twisted into a wolfish grin. "Well you know you've come to the right place. There's plenty of 'em At Mokuba's Paradise."

Kakashi's eyes widened with understanding. "You, my friend, are a genius."

Kakashi turned on his radio, wincing when static crackled in his ear. "Genshi, Ieyasu, I think I have a lead. Be on guard. Over and out."

Switching the radio off, he headed towards the shadowy alleyways in the back of the market.

In a predominantly male society, there wasn't a much better way to get what you wanted from someone than pretend to be a clueless prostitute. It was a miracle that men still fell for it, but he supposed if it were Sakura, he probably would too.

Finally, he came to the door he was seeking. Knocking four times, the door slowly slid open to reveal a portly man that must have been Mokuba. When he stepped through the first doorway and into the alcove, he felt it instantly. There was a ward on the door that dispelled any illusionary jutsu. That was sure to make this easier.

He smiled, revealing more than a few golden teeth. "Hello, my good man. How may I be of service?"

Kakashi eyed him warily, there was a tinge of darkness in this man's eyes. There was more to him than meets the eye. However most people who traded on the black market were a little sinister, and the slimy look in this man's eyes was no exception.

"I heard there were some new girls yesterday." Kakashi drawled, peeking over the man's shoulder to try and see inside.

"There are always new girls. You'll have to be more specific." Mokuba grinned.

"Well why don't you tell me about the new ones and we'll talk business. Seeing them is most preferable."

It was clear Mokuba didn't want to waste his valuable time on someone like Kakashi. "They are very busy. I only cater to paying customers and I am afraid you don't look like you can afford to see all of the new girls."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and pulled out a kunai, pressing it against Mokuba's jugular. "It wasn't a request. I'm here under specific orders from Nobu-sama. If you want to take this matter up with her, then I'll gladly escort you."

Mokuba's chubby face drained of color and he stuttered a reply, leading Kakashi further into the room.

The lights were low, filtered by red shades that cast a sensual glow throughout the main room. Mokuba guided Kakashi to a large pile of cushions on the floor and made sure to provide him with a bottle of chilled sake. Tapestries hung on every inch of the wall, making it impossible to locate the exits. But the most notable thing was that beneath the thick smoke of incense, he could smell her.

Kakashi pulled his hood over his head, hiding his hair and casting a shadow over his eyes. Then he removed his mask, he would be more noticeable with it.

There were a few new girls, but Kakashi doubted that Sakura would put her all her eggs in one basket, so they must have split up in teams of two.

The first woman was a kunoichi. He knew it instantly in her muscles tone. She had long hair, crystals woven through the strands to look like a waterfall of midnight, and intelligent silver eyes. She gave him a shy smile and sat to his left, her kimono falling open to showcase her caramel skin.

The next woman was definitely not a kunoichi. She had a soft, curvaceous body and bright red hair. Her blue eyes shone with experience as she was seated to his right and poured him a cup of sake.

The curtains opened for what Kakashi knew would be the final time. He held his breath in anticipation, his heart thrumming in his ears. She stepped out with the confidence and poise of someone who didn't come in such a petite package. His mouth went dry as her jade-green eyes locked onto him. She pushed a hand through her pastel locks, bluntly cut into a perfectly symmetrical bob at her chin.

Sakura.

She had become so incredibly beautiful in his absence. She was all sharp lines and sex appeal.

And he wanted her.

Mokuba walked back into the room. "Have you decided, Sir?"

Careful not to speak lest his voice betray him, Kakashi nodded towards Sakura, still standing statuesque in the red glow.

"Very well. Excellent choice. Her first day and she's already been chosen. Moriko, take this fine gentleman to the back and bring the sake."

Sakura nodded, bending over to take the bottle from the redhead, her kimono slipping open. She wasn't wearing anything underneath it.

The walk was silent and tense, only when they were alone and the door was closes securely behind them did Kakashi breath.

Sakura, or Moriko, was still holding the bottle and Kakashi watched as she took a few long gulps, completely ignoring protocol. Satisfied, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and turn to pin him with a venomous glare.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Hatake?" She spat. "You think just because it's been almost five years since I saw you without your chakra concealed that I wouldn't recognize you?"

He was speechless. Whatever he'd been expecting, this certainly wasn't it. He desperately tried to find a foothold in the conversation, but he slipped and fell back into a cold stupor each time.

"You heard about some new whore with pink hair and you decide to come have a look-see, is that it? Is this the kind of place you hang out? Seedy black markets to sate your every desire?"

Her face was hard and angry, but her gaze, though acidic it most definitely was, told another story.

He pulled off his hood, letting his wild shock of silver hair free, confirming what she already knew.

"If you think I'm going to service you, you're wrong." She seethed between clenched teeth.

"Wouldn't you like to know if I have any valuable information?"

"Get out before I lose my temper."

He shook his head. "I came here in search of a team of shinobi who were asking too many questions. I believe that I have found them. You won't be fast enough to outrun us. So, you may as well get what you can out of me before you're captured. Then, if you escape, it won't have been for nothing."

He posture spoke of defiance. "Why are you helping me? What reason do I have to trust you?" She asked, unsure.

Kakashi shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "No reason. I could be lying, but you'd know if I were."

She seemed to be mulling his words over, and Kakashi watched as she was considering his offer. His heart began to pound relentlessly against his ribs.

Sakura turned her back on him, as if testing whether or not he would strike. He took the opportunity to write a note to Ieyasu to find him in fifteen minutes, and to take the raven-haired girl into custody.

The sound of fabric hitting the floor caught his attention, and Kakashi looked up to see the smooth contours of Sakura's bare back. She turned back to face him, he couldn't help the way his eyes roamed over her figure.

"Who do you work for?" She asked in a breathy voice, her fingertips pressing his chest until his legs came in contact with the bed. He fell into a sitting position and she stood before him, legs spread slightly.

"The Teikoku clan." He croaked, her hand was grasping his wrist and guiding it between her thighs. When had she gotten so good at this?

The moment his fingers touched her soft folds, heat exploded through Kakashi's body, his pants tightening almost instantly. Slowly, he ran them over her entrance, watching with rapt fascination as her eyes flooded with desire.

"Where is your base?" Despite that he could feel her trembling, Sakura's voice remained relatively clear, even as she leaned her hands on his shoulders for support as his thumb worked small circles over her.

"Twenty miles north, in the caverns below Demon's Rock." The answer came without him having to even think about it. It was scary. He had no control over his voice. Taking a deep breath, he wondered of the incense was laced with something.

Her knees began to buckle and Kakashi instinctively gathered her in his arms and layed her onto the bed.

He began to shake uncontrollably the longer he watched her, his brain becoming a haze of need that he couldn't shake away.

"Are you a spy?" His fingers had made their way inside her, causing her question to end with a moan.

The feeling of her warm, wet sex nearly did him in. He growled, trying to stop himself, but the words left his mouth instantly. "Yes, I am a spy."

She was now grinding her hips against his hand, her mouth hanging open in a silent scream. He wanted to kiss her desperately, but he was hypnotized.

"Sakura, what's happening to me?" He pleaded, lowering his head until he was nestled between her legs.

"It's the incense. It heightens sexual pleasure to the point that you can't.. Oh, oh that you can't think straight." She tasted just as he remembered, like fruit and a hint of musk. He started curling his fingers inside of her, her clothes between his lips when he registered her words.

She was under the effects of her own drugs to get answers. That meant that if anyone caused her enough pleasure, she'd be just as open as he was. A pretty big gamble.

"When.." Her voice died in her throat, turning into a heady moan. "When are you relocating and is the leader with you..."

He heard her perfectly, despite the way her words slurred together. Kakashi pulled away and couldn't stop himself from kissing her. She clung to his shirt, he lips parted, gasping for breath as she came.

"I that your trick works better when you aren't the one receiving the pleasure." Kakashi murmured in her ear. "In one week. Nobu-sama will leave before that."

Pushing himself upright, Kakashi realized the incense had burned out, and as a result his mind was already clearer. Sakura looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"Before you take us in, will you do me a favor?"

He nodded, running his hands through her short hair. She leaned into the touch, eyes closing slightly.

"Tell me that if you weren't a spy, that we would still be together, and happy, because this is a lot to process, and if you ever came home, I don't think it would be the same. We can never go back to being those people. I can't do it."

Kakashi felt his heart break as the cracks of her cool facade grew larger, giving him a peak of the sadness beneath. Her wanted to indulge her childish wish, but he shook his head.

"No, I won't do that, Sakura. But I will say this: I will never love anyone the way I have you."

Then, with a kind of sluggishness he didn't usually exhibit, Kakashi reached into his pack, and plunged a senbon into her neck, watching as the potent sedative entered her bloodstream and consciousness faded from her face

If he was lucky, she wouldn't even recall the event had taken place. The door opened just as Sakura fell limp in his arms.


	8. Deal with the Devil

**AN WOO UPDATE! There were so many great reviews lately! I loved them all and they definitely inspire me to write more! Also, seriously did anyone go see _Guardians of the Galaxy_? Because it was awesome! And thanks to ephieshine for gently pointing out some things that I should take note of!**

**Anyway, Please R&R! xoxo**

10cc "I'm Not In Love"

**VIII.**

Suddenly is a ninja's least favorite way to wake up. Suddenly implies that either despite meticulous planning, something has gone awry that needs to be taken care of, or that there was no plan. A ninja without a clue or plan is not in a promising position. Haruno Sakura was no stranger to this unsung truth. However, waking up suddenly was the least of her immediate and many worries.

Sakura awoke suddenly, but like a well-trained kunoichi, she didn't open her eyes and she didn't react, because there were several factors to consider before she reacted.

First, she could move neither her hands nor her wrists, not only because they were bound tightly, but because the skin had been rubbed so raw that moving would undoubtedly tear open the freshly healed wound.

She was naked and unarmed, sure, but that was hardly cause for pause. What worried her was the sluggish, uncomfortable way her chakra was flowing through her body, and that her mouth had the sour taste of someone who hadn't seen food or drink in two days. Grant it, this was always technically apart of the plan, albeit a bit escalated. They were only supposed to investigate the market and decide whether or not it was connected to the Teikoku.

_Wait. Where am I and how did I get here? Obviously I've been captured. But by whom? The Teikoku?_

Sakura tried desperately make sense of it all, but her body wasn't operating at even half capacity. There were people near her murmuring in hushed voices. Sakura focused her attention on the sounds around her. There was breathing, shallow pained sounds and deep calming breaths. Her team. Sakura would have sighed in relief if her current position allowed it. Thanking the gods for the lives of her friends, Sakura then focused again on the muffled voices.

"That pink haired girl, I know I've seen her somewhere," a young man said, possibly sucking on a cigarette. The scent of smoke tickled Sakura's nose and she knew they must be inside the room.

"Of course you recognize her. Her face is plastered all over the Wanted Wall outside Nobu-sama's office," the other one said gruffly. "Different hair, though."

"No, I mean _recognize_ her. I've seen her in person before. Maybe during the war?"

"Hmmm maybe. Do you remember which village?"

"No, but.. Oh! She was a medic!"

There was a pause. "Maybe Konoha or Suna. You should get Kakashi down here, see if he knows her."

"Wouldn't he have said something if he did when we all brought them in?"

"Nah, whatever that kunoichi did to Kakashi had him high as a kite. He was out of it."

"Oh yeah," the younger one laughed. "I forgot. I'll go get him."

Sakura tensed at the sound of Kakashi's name spoken so casually from the mouths of these criminals. Her mind set to work, trying to piece together the bits she couldn't remember. Peeking a glance, Sakura saw a large man with his back to her, and another leaving. She watched closely as the man bit his thumb and pressed it to the wall. A glyph came to life, glowing bright red before turning green and opening the door.

The room was huge and very cold with two sided mirrors on her left. There was a table, a few chairs, and a large wardrobe. They were in an interrogation chamber.

Sakura had no way of knowing how long they had been hanging against the wall like meat in a butcher shop, but she couldn't feel anything below her waist, which could be a good or bad thing. Good because if anyone touched her, she would have no sensation of it, but bad because if she got loose she would be useless until she got better blood circulation to her legs.

The door opened and Sakura shut her eyes quickly, just barely catching a glimpse of familiar silver hair. Despite everything that had happened and everything she had learned, Sakura couldn't stop the rush of emotions and quickening of her heart. It made her sick with herself.

"You're going to have to drug the one in the middle again if you want to keep her sedated efficiently," Kakashi drawled in a tired voice, taking a few more steps inside. "She metabolizes drugs faster than the other ones, I think. You should also invest in better chakra suppressants. Those tags won't hold much longer. She could break out of here in about fifteen minutes if you guys don't watch her. I know you're awake, Sakura."

He was right, of course. Chakra suppressants had to be paired with drugs to have any useful effect on her. She could either use her chakra to flush the foreign chemicals out of her body, or with great concentration, break the seal suppressing her chakra, but she couldn't do both. She wrenched her eyes open and fixed him in place with a deadly stare, barely concealing the rage bubbling up inside her chest. "Nice to see your mind hasn't grown weak with age," she rasped, barely audible, her voice more than a little hoarse from disuse.

The other man came forward, a large syringe full of a cloudy blue liquid in his beefy hands. Sakura recognized it as a mild sedative often given to manic patients. She recoiled from his reach but hissed loudly when the ropes sliced open the tender flesh of her wrists. Realizing that fighting was futile, Sakura went limp and allowed the needle to pierce her skin. The drug was thicker than it should have been, clearly mixed by a low level apothecary.

Within seconds, Sakura felt her body relax and her heart rate decrease, and she was almost thankful for the break from her nerves and she let her gaze stray to three sisters from Lightning with whom she had grown so close. They hadn't faired so well. Bruises were splattered across their skin, making them appear delicate and small. It was Rindō who was panting, her young face distorted in pain. Sakura could see a few broken ribs, the cause for her furrowed brows and frowning lips. She glanced down at her own body, there was nothing to see. She had sustained no previous injuries.

"So you know her, Kakashi?" inquired the stocky man.

Kakashi nodded. "Mm. This is my former student." Though his voice was light, Sakura could detect a hint of warning in Kakashi's tone. "Ieyasu, get her some water and a blanket. I doubt she'll cooperate if she can't even talk."

"Genshi," Kakashi said, inadvertently directing Sakura's attention to a pair of forest green eyes. "Go talk to Nobu-sama and give her an update. See if we Kaito is around. He's that seal specialist who worked at the Blood Prison, he can lock Sakura's chakra down completely."

Once they were alone, Sakura realized how much information Kakashi had given her. Did the others realize it? She knew their names, the names of a seal specialist and the leader, and that they didn't have the means to restrain her efficiently for long periods of time.

"How did I get here?" Sakura slurred, her voice betraying her.

"You really don't remember. Well, you tried to drug me but I turned it on you. The rest isn't important."

Sakura shook her head, the strain on her body was too great and she could feel tears forming in her eyes. When was the last time she had cried? She laughed bitterly, earning a strange look from the Copy-nin. _I'm being ridiculous. This isn't the worst situation I've been in. So you're half-starved and chakra is inaccessible, nothing you can't handle._ But Kakashi hadn't been there to witness it any other time she had been through something like this. He hadn't been there _period_. He was a traitor, a criminal, probably for the Teikoku. The betrayal stung, ripping open her old scars. A small voice whispered that there was more to it than that, but Sakura couldn't make out the images that flashed through her mind. She needed her chakra.

Ieyasu came back with water and a blanket. Kakashi's hand's gently draped the blanket over her in a way that covered her exposed flesh, but did little to warm her, and gave her a few sips of water through a straw. "What do you want with me?" she asked in a stronger voice, her mouth still stumbling over the words.

"You tell us," suggested Ieyasu with a toothy smile that made his bulky face appear kinder. Despite his beastly size, Sakura got the impression that he was the nicest of the trio, but his pleasant demeanor made Sakura's skin prickle uncomfortably. No one should be that content in such a situation.

The door opened again, revealing the slight man known as Genshi and a woman whose sheer presence seemed to make the room feel darker, colder. _Nobu._ She was a vision of beautiful cruelty with her alabaster skin pulled tightly over sharp features. Her curly hair was a sinister shade of gray and fell around her shoulders like a storm cloud. She wasn't particularly tall, but everything about her screamed authority and respect, and it felt like she was towering over Sakura. Although she wore a restricting traditional kimono that spoke of royalty, Sakura had no doubt that the layers and layers of expensive fabric wouldn't keep her from exacting justice on any one of them. The woman's slanted, violet eyes pinned Sakura, the force of the look knocking the breath from her lungs.

The three men bowed deeply. "Nobu-sama, this is Haruno Sakura of Konohagakure. She is a highly skilled medic," Kakashi avowed.

"Haruno Sakura. It's nice to put a name to such a pretty face," smiled Nobu, her voice washed over Sakura like a bucket of frigid water. "Your face, and the faces of your companions, are pretty well-known within the Teikoku. Did you know that?" Sakura said nothing. "So, when you're killing our contributors and sympathizers, is it knowingly or do you just follow the orders of your Hokage like the dog you are? And tell me, how _is _that blind patriotism serving you these days, hm?"

"Fuck off," bleated Sakura weakly. She was reprimanded by a sharp back-hand, a large ring splitting open her cheek as it dragged across her flesh. Sakura hissed, but said nothing as she met Nobu's now much darker gaze.

"I _was_ going to make an offer, but now I'm not quite certain I will. If you can't cooperate, I'll kill your teammates and leave you to rot in this room." A beat. "Initially I wanted to bring in the ninja and interrogate them until I knew which village was responsible, but it appears there's no longer a need for that. So, I'll make you a deal."

Sakura didn't want to comply, but deep down knew that doing so was the most beneficial option. "What kind of deal?"

Nobu's mouth curled into a feral grin that sent shivers down Sakura's spine. "There's a young girl here. She's a very valuable asset, but she's in dire need of a professional medical attention. I want you to work together with my seal specialist and fix whatever is wrong with her. I'll give you exactly two weeks. If you complete the task, I'll release your teammates."

"And me?" Sakura demanded.

"Oh, yes. I'm going to have you killed. You'll have too much information by that point and I have no reason to keep you alive."

Her blood ran cold. "So, I'm going to die either way?"

"Yes."

The pinkette bit her lip, eyes darting to her teammates, Hana and Usagi looked a little worse for wear, their skin was ashen and their hair had lost its inky shine, but it was their sister that had Sakura the most troubled.. They were in bad shape, not having the regenerative abilities Sakura had. She looked at Kakashi for a moment, his head was still bowed low, but his fists were clenched tightly. She wondered briefly who this girl was and how so much could weigh on the life of a child, but she put that in the back of her mind. "You have to give my team food and water, and clothes for god's sake. Let me heal them. Otherwise," she winced, knowing that this time, she might not make it out of there alive, "you have yourself a deal."

"Excellent. Ieyasu, Genshi, cut down the other girls and make arrangements for them to stay in Cell B for the night, but also prepare them for travel. We're leaving tomorrow night. Kakashi, since you're so well acquainted with Miss Haruno, why don't you take her to get cleaned up and have her look at the girl in the morning. And remember, I _will _be watching you."

...

Sakura moaned in ecstasy as the warm water loosened her tense muscles, but her mind was in an altogether different place. Kakashi hadn't talked to her the entire time he dragged her through the compound, grasping her arm painfully and yanking her around with more force than was necessary. Anyone else might assume he was just doing his job, but Sakura knew better. He was angry, livid even. It showed in his ramrod posture and brisk steps and set jaw. She wanted to talk to him, but the words died on her tongue every time. What was she supposed to say? _Sorry I caused trouble while I was doing my job? Sorry you have to babysit me? Sorry that you left? Sorry that I'm probably going to die on this mission? No_. She shook her head. It wasn't her time to die. Sakura didn't know how or why, but she could feel it.

She switched off the water, pulled on the baggy clothes provided by Kakashi, and walked out of the communal bathroom on wobbly legs. Kakashi grabbed her before she could fall, but when she flashed him a smile, she was met with a harsh glare. He led her to his chambers, she assumed, and was surprised when he lit the lanterns.

In the midst of everything the past few days had offered, Sakura _almost _forgot that Kakashi had a daughter, but there was no forgetting it now. There were two beds, one decidedly larger than the other, separated by cheap wooden boxes that served as storage. All along the walls were drawings obviously created by a very talented, or very bored, child. Some were abstract, although most were rough, colorful sketches of Kakashi, both with and without his mask. A few scrolls of kanji were on display throughout the room, the black strokes of ink, although often imperfect in their execution, were beautiful.

"Did Junko do these?" Sakura mused quietly, her fingertips tracing over 詩, which had been written in a way that reminded her of Kakashi's handwriting. He always wrote in a scrawling cursive, almost never lifting the pen from the paper, although it was clear that whoever wrote this put a lot of care into it.

"Her name is Jun," Kakashi corrected, his voice causing Sakura to jump in surprise. He stepped to her and wrapped bandages moist with antiseptic salve over her raw wrists before securing a pair of cuffs covered in chakra-suppressing tags. "I don't know why she told you her name was Junko." There was a shadow of a smile in his dark eyes, but it disappeared quickly. "Go rest in my bed for a while. I have some things to take care of. If you so much as think about leaving this room, I'll break both of your legs before you even get the chance."

His voice was cold and left little room for argument, but Sakura didn't believe him, and she had no intention of risking the welfare of her teammates for some half-assed escape attempt. That was something that needed a plan, and she was too tired and weak to think straight let alone compose the perfect strategy. Not to mention, her curiosity about this possible child-weapon or kidnapped dignitary had her curious. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow, unconscious to the way Kakashi secured the blankets around her and placed a feather-light kiss on her head.

She awoke only once, her eyes squinting open, barely able to register the scene playing out in front of her.

"I'm not tired," Junko yawned. She had grown a lot. Her limbs were long and skinny; she looked so breakable. She was sitting between Kakashi's legs as he twisted her lengthy, olive-green hair into two, tight fishtail braids.

"Well, I'm glad you're not tired. That means you can get started on taking down all the pictures and packing up your clothes."

"Now that you mention it, I s'pose some sleep would be alright."

Kakashi smirked, an undeniably handsome expression on his bare features. Sakura closed her eyes again, recalling all the faded memories she'd locked away of Kakashi's face as he spoke in his warm, soothing baritone. "That's what I thought."

"Are you going to sleep in my bed since Sakura-san is in yours?"

He hummed in thought. "I think I will, but only if you promise not to kick me."

Sakura ignored the strange pang of jealousy their exchange gave her. Who was she jealous of? Her minds lazily deliberated until the voices grew soft and undistinguishable, white noise that lulled her to sleep.


End file.
